Here's to Mothers and Mothers-In-Spirit

It's always seemed to me that instead of observing separate Mothers' & Fathers' days, we should perhaps hold an annual Honor-the-Caretakers day. This would be a more realistic reflection of how life seems to work.

My own mom died when I was 14, after years of battling cancer. She did what she could for me and my five younger siblings but towards the end, she couldn't do much. However, all six of us were cared for by various adults. I was fortunate to have had 6 or 7 mother figures in my life.

One "mother" was my Aunt Marge who, with my Uncle John, took in my four youngest siblings. They already had two kids of their own and a third on the way. Another of my "mothers" was a woman who'd known my mom, and with whose family my brother and I lived so that we could remain in Seattle and graduate from the high school we'd been attending. A woman for whom I babysat turned out to be yet another "mother." My best friend's mom (now my brother's mother-in-law) also felt like a sort of mother. And so on.

Over the decades, in fact, I've known numerous women who have felt like temporary mothers, ersatz aunts and the older sister I always wish I'd had. Some of them have never had biological children of their own. Some have never been married or partnered. One, in fact, is a nun. And one of the most nurturing friends I've ever had was a gay guy who lived down the hall from me in our rooming house on Capitol Hill in Seattle; when I was sick with an awful cold, he brought over a pot of his amazing homemade chicken soup.

In my mind this doesn't make them any less "mother" than the women who have had children. Motherly & Fatherly energy or spirit has very little to do with actually giving birth. It's possible to have a dozen kids and never quite connect with the spirit of caretaking. This spirit can develop in someone after she or he has had a child, but some people have it in abundance no matter what their life circumstances. For those with children, this parental spirit is an energy that extends beyond their own biological children to include the children of others. In some people, this spirit encompasses all kids. Mother Teresa must have been one of those people.

This has made me realize that even though my own child rearing years seem to be mostly over, I can keep an eye out for kids or young people who might need a dose of mom energy. And since sometimes even adults can use a shot of it, I need to give adequate time and attention to friends who are mutually supportive.

By now everyone's familiar with the saying "It takes a village to raise a child." In the case of me and my sibs, it sometimes took an entire metropolis. The village nature of our upbringing became clear to me once I recognized all the people who helped me reach adulthood. And it reminds me that the village continues to need me now that I'm on my way to becoming an elder.

Happy Mothers' Day to moms, aunts, sisters, grandmas, foster moms, caretakers, guardians, "big sisters" & mentors, and all those who mother!