Throughout the years that we had one young child and sometimes a teenager at home, my husband and I both worked outside the home. Since we didn't want to miss the fleeting childhood years, we both tried to keep work in its proper place. We mostly succeeded, but sometimes it was hard.
When my son was still a toddler, I had a 4-month temp stint with a local governmental agency. I'd been working there about 16 hpw, running a home business and taking care of things at home. One December day my supervisor informed me that since all her secretaries were going on vacation the week after Christmas, she needed me there full time. I explained to her that I ran a business at home as well and had more work than I could handle at the moment. Although I didn't say it aloud, I remember thinking that she'd given me less than 2 days' notice for this abrupt change. She simply said "I need you here." As if that was the only consideration.
Now, nearly 20 years later, I'm more assertive than I was back then. Today I'd say "no." But that year I worked 60 hours the week after Christmas and missed several important family events.
If work gets out of balance it skews the overall quality of life. Learning to say "no" is hard but not impossible. When I look back on my experience, I realize that I could have legitimately turned down my boss's request since she hadn't given me enough notice. She could have called in another temp for that week. The world would not have come to an end.
These days I'm clear about how much I'm willing to give to each activity, and I let the people in charge know my limits. That way, we start off without any misunderstandings. Whenever you're about to start a new venture, whether it's a job, volunteer commitment or project, take a moment to decide how much time you're able to give it, and when. Clarify your availability during the interview. It greatly decreases the chance of miscommunication.
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