There's a game you can play whenever you find yourself in an uncomfortable group situation, whether at work, at a social event or with family - I call it The Anthropologist. Numerous counselors, coaches and authors I've read or heard suggest versions of it.
In I Could Do Anything if Only I Knew What it Was,http://www.amazon.com/s?ie=UTF8&tag=mozilla-20&index=blended&link_code=qs&field-keywords=b in the chapter entitled "Help, I'm not ready to be born," Barbara Sher advises young people new to the corporate world to adopt the attitude of a business reporter, and mine their workplace for interesting stories. In Fitting In is Overrated: The Survival Guide for Anyone Who Has Ever Felt Like an Outsider, http://www.amazon.com/s?ie=UTF8&tag=mozilla-20&index=blended&link_code=qs&field-keywords=leonard%20felder&sourceid=Mozilla-searchLeonard Felder suggests becoming an objective observer during tense or conflict-filled gatherings - pretend that you're gathering data about people and how they interact.
Adopting this neutral observer stance helps you detach from the drama swirling around you and takes some of the sting out of barbs that fly your way. I've tried it on several occasions, including the stressful all-staff meetings I had to attend as part of a long-ago job. I stepped into an investigative point of view, using the Star Trek "prime directive" as inspiration: I was there to observe, record, learn and catalog, not change things or interfere with the corporate culture. It turned out to be a fascinating exercise in learning what makes people tick.
And I made a happy discovery: when I'm in neutral, I'm better able to offer solutions and help others than when I'm swimming with everyone else in oceans of emotions.
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