The Good Times Are Killing Me

Maybe each of us feels out of sync with everyone else at some point in our lives. For me, it's often during summer. It sometimes seems as though the entire known universe is on vacation, everyone else just loves the 23 hours of daylight, and leaping from one good time to another without pausing for breath is normal. Until I started asking around, I didn't realize that a few other people also breathe a sigh of relief when Labor Day weekend's over and autumn things down.

If you're one of those oddities who prefers winter to summer, doesn't mind long nights or secretly enjoys having a quiet weekend at home once in awhile, this is for you. Or maybe you like the idea of summer fun but don't get much of it because your job heats up (park rangers, child care workers, waitstaff at sidewalk cafes) or you're an at-home parent. Or you could be one of those people with reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder, who get depressed during times of blazing heat and brightness. Or your neighborhood gets so noisy that you don't fall asleep till 4 a.m. Whichever describes you, there are ways to finesse summer, all of which involve discovering what bugs you, and preparing for it.

• If heat, light or noise are the problem, make sure that your bedroom curtains are thick and dark enough to block out light. If you don't have young kids, use ear plugs. If you need to hear unusual noises, use a white noise player to block outdoor noise - you'll still be able to hear a child crying or your dog barking inside the house.
• Try cutting down on caffeine if you already feel somewhat jittery from too much light or too little sleep. At a certain point of fatigue, caffeine won't help.
• If hyperactive schedules are the problem, meet with other family members before summer starts and decide what you can and can't do. If a lot of summer-type events are coming up - graduations, weddings, reunions, campouts - confer with your partner and decide on which ones are a "must," which could be attended by only one of you, and which ones you'll pass.
  
• If most of your family and friends have summers off or a lot of vacation time and you don't, send out a group email message (May is good) reminding everyone that you won't be able to take time off for everything. I've done this for 3-4 years, and it's been very effective in preventing hurt feelings over missed gatherings.
• Block off a weekend (or whatever your days off) once a month for Chill Time. Put away the mobile phone, laptop and crackberry. Have conversations with your partner, kids and really good friends; read books or magazines; watch the sunset instead of TV, and putter aimlessly.
  
• Try your best to begin and end the day with 15 minutes of solitude and silence. During summer you can sit in a deserted corner of your yard - or if everyone's outside, find an indoor spot.
• If you've always been extremely sensitive to outside stimuli or others' emotional vibes, read anything by Dr. Judith Orloff. She's both a physician and an intuitive who writes for people she calls "empaths," people who pick up on stimuli and impressions so easily that they often feel bombarded.
  

If you're able to make space for peace periodically, you'll be able to rejoin the summer-long party in good spirits. You won't feel like the good times are killing you.