Once when our younger boy was in Scouts, he ran into a dilemma. If he didn't finish a certain project that evening, he wouldn't receive an expected award the next day. However, he'd allowed household tasks to build up as well, and they also needed to be finished that evening because of an outside deadline. He'd had the opportunity to finish both tasks over the weekend but chose to delay them. If he finished the Scout project later, he'd get the award next month.
The den leader called me and asked if I would accomodate his need for extra time for the project. I explained to her that he'd brought the situation about via his choices and we felt that he might have the opportunity to learn an important lesson in delayed gratification and time management. Nevertheless, we would help him figure out possible ways to complete both tasks, if he wanted.
He did the household work and didn't quite finish the scout project. The leader gave him the badge anyway. "He worked so hard on it during meetings," she said.
All I could think was, "What does this teach him?" That he doesn't have to manage his time, keep agreements, make difficult choices or complete things on time? That someone will bail him out when he doesn't follow through?
For the last 20 years, mainstream American parents have been so devoted to helping their kids "get ahead" that sometimes anything goes. Acting responsibly, contributing to the household/family and even treating others well have fallen by the wayside. Helicopter parenting has been the gold standard - if you don't type your kid's papers for him, do all the cooking and dishes so he can focus on get-ahead activities, or pay his way through college, you're a slacker.
Yet from what I can see, copter parenting hasn't created responsible young adults. It seems to keep a lot of "kiddults" stuck. Maybe those of us who anti-helicopters did the right thing. Only time will tell.
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