Several weeks ago a friend mentioned to me that she was feeling overwhelmed. At work she'd had encounters with customers who were dissatisfied with new company policies and were taking it out on her. It seemed to her that some of their comments had been intentionally personal, even though she wasn't responsible for those policies. In her personal life, a family member with an aggressive political bent had attacked her when she expressed her viewpoint. She said, "I know it shouldn't get to me, but it does. I feel like I'm being stabbed."
She's a sensitive person who takes things to heart. I wanted to offer her something useful but was at a loss for words. I've felt the same way at times. For many of us, figuring out how to keep our equilibrium, get through the work day, deal with human drama when when we must and still have enough energy to engage in pursuits that make a difference in our world can be challenging.
Later that day as I walked home from work, I passed a garden with a small statue, a replica of the Little Mermaid that overlooks the harbor in Copenhagen. I'd strolled by innumerable times but for some reason her presence made an impression on me that day. During the following week, the image kept popping up in my mind, and I remembered the Hans Christian Anderson tale associated with it. Then it occurred to me: the Little Mermaid was a creature of water and was out of her element when she decided to turn herself into a land person in order to please someone else. As with all such synchronicities, I realized that there was a message here , one that might help my friend.
Each of us is born with a particular temperament or personality type. To a degree we can rewire ourselves, using behavioral, cognitive and other techniques but our core or essential self remains the same. Many people are familiar with personality traits made famous by tools such as the Myers & Briggs Temperament Indicator and its intovert/extrovert scale.
In earlier times, personality types were sometimes illustrated using the elements - fire, earth, air and water. People who are especially sensitive would be described at water people. Most of us are a combination of elements but usually one element predominates. Earth people are practical, with a "What needs to be done?" orientation. Fire people can be either easygoing folks who simply enjoy life (sunshine) or intense people (bonfires) who live their emotions, including anger, large. Air people tend to live in their heads, keep an emotional distance and might be seen by others as overly intellectual at times. Water people are natural empathizers and are governed by emotions. My friend is a classic water person who readily admits that "things get to me."
What does this have to do with the story of the Little Mermaid? If you've read some version of the HCA tale, you'll remember that when she chooses to give up her undersea world for life on land in order to try to please the man with whom she'd fallen in love, she exchanged her tail for legs. Her grandmother warns her that whenever she walks on land she'll feel as if she's treading on sharp knives. This walking-on-knives sensation sounds strikingly similar to my friend's feeling of "being stabbed."
Having to live in the "real" world entails daily walking on land, earning a living in an environment that might not care much about the feelings of those in it, dealing with difficult people and, especially if we're involved in a cause, facing harsh realities such as war, poverty, racism and child abuse. Anyone wanting to stay engaged with our world and make a contribution will have to develop her own ways to stay sane, no matter what her primary personality element.
For water people, this means routinely returning to water after a work day on land. Set limits, leave when it's time to leave, go home and dive in. Cultivate your "sea," which may include family, friends who "get" you, certain activities or associations, spiritual practices or simple relaxation. Know what makes up your particular element - it will be different for everyone - and create a private life that gives you that "Ahhh, I'm home" feeling.
Doing this might not make walking on land easier. For that, you'll need to need to develop other tools and resources (Here's one. Or try this - since Amazon disabled its Listmania feature, it might not work. If you message me I'll give you all the titles). But at least you'll find relief by being back in your element.
No comments:
Post a Comment